I Miss...

more than anything...

walking bare foot down the two way path with him...

sitting in the swing & leaning back all the way with my hair dragging the ground...which he would end up picking the leaves out of my hair...

riding in the middle of his pickup truck...

running through the water sprinkler...over & over again...

taking a road trip with my bare feet on the dashboard...

cutting out cute guy pics from mags & mailing them to friends...

making homemade facial masks that made us gag...

getting stuck in a mud hole & making out...instead of going for help...

jumping sand hills higher than the boys...

sitting on the pond damn listening to the crickets & frogs fill the silence...

going to the drive in for pizza & checking out the cute guys...

driving home with him holding my hand & promising things will never change...

singing & dancing at my 13th birthday party...

painting our toe nails & walking funny until they dried...

laying in the bed just the three of us...singing BackStreet Boy songs on repeat...

drinking too much at back yard parties...

acting like we were tipsy when we hadn't drank a sip...just so the guy thought he was awesome & could rub our boobs & butts...

being shocked by the spark plug...

shaking the magic 8 ball like it would give us real answers...

sneaking out of the house to go to the movies...

showing each other our new Lisa Frank school supplies...

matching our head gear with our socks...

discovering "nasty/dirty" music & hiding it from our parents...

skinny dipping in a neighbors pool after they went to bed...

making out in the tent & not watching the fire...which somehow ended up with firefighters being called...

sleeping on the roof of a house...

sinking our toes in the sand...

cruising the mall parking lot...

getting caught feeling up a boy in the teachers lounge...

writing my name in red paint on the roof of our school...

watching football games & going to after parties...

taking turns making prank calls...

wishing he would pick me to dance with next...

sharing a blanket on the beach...

making & wearing our own puff paint shirts...

listening to the waves crashing in at night...

being lost & meeting new people along the way...

planning our weekend getaways...

getting sun burnt during beach weekend...

sitting on the tail gate listening to country music...

dressing up for no reason at all...

talking all night on the phone...

knowing that he was thinking about me...

raking the leaves for the neighbor who lost her husband...

writing letters that actually required a special folding technique...

wondering which brother I should pick...

having a great time no matter what...

I Don't Want To Be...

Nothing like spending an off day at home sick...I think this is crap...if I'm going to be off...I enjoy going to the park for a brisk walk...maybe seeing what I could discover in my next adventure...but no...instead...I've been running a fever of 102 most of the day...along with hugging the white throne...oh my what fun I'm having.

You Probably Didn't Know...

I would like to pick up & travel...pick cities that I think would be interesting...stay there two or three months...then pick out my next destination.

I'm not living the life I thought I would be when I was 29...there are so many more options out there...I've only started weighting my options.

I'd like to meet more...single independent women...that actually live a full & happy life...not the one's that are stuck in a rut & not willing to dig themselves out...since I don't get along to well with women.

I turned down a job on a cruise ship...because of the situation that my life was in at the time...I so should have took it.

I wish I had a group of friends that got together once a week...just to spend time with each other & laugh...I miss that so much!

I'd like to be attending nursing school right about now...but scared it will bore me & not be exciting enough.

I love to cook & would love taking a cooking class.

I think smart people are interesting...I like to learn new things...peoples ideas make me think & I like that...if only more people would speak their minds like I do.

I love kids...but love the fact even more that I don't have any of my own.

I would like to find "that Man"...the one I would plan on spending the rest of my life with...so be it if it was just to be together as a union or partnership...I would like to get married some day...though my heart wouldn't be crushed if I never did.

I enjoy reading...because it can take me to those places that I've not traveled...and put me in situations that I've not faced.

I truly think that I love myself is an added bonus...I've always loved myself...I've got great self confidence...I'm outgoing.

I like to get in my car & drive...I don't have to have a destination...just getting behind the wheel...knowing that I'm in control & ready to see new surroundings.

I think a great day is...lounging around in my bra & panties...with plenty of reading material...lots of lemon juice to add to my water...a pen & piece of paper for me to record my thoughts...something playing softly on the radio...and just the thought that I enjoy being in my skin.

I don't worry enough about the things going on in my life...which I wouldn't say is bad...but...when a problem presents itself...I'm looking for the next good thing to happen.

I think I have a lot to offer when it comes to being in a relationship...though I'm strong minded & outspoken...which I've found that a lot of men can't handle...sure they can be friends with me...but when it comes down to one on one time...they tuck their tails & run...I can't stand that...yes I know somewhat what I want out of life...but I'm willing to learn & experience new things...they think I'm stuck in my ways & will not give...when actually I've been known to give in more than I should...all I've got to say to them guys is that...you are missing out on a fun ride thru life.

I chipped my front tooth on the zipper of a mans pair of jeans...LOL...most people don't even know the chip is there...lets just say it was a...vacation experience I'll never forget.

I like being with a man...I like the whole process...I enjoy watching him get aroused...I like the expressions on his face...the way his body starts to respond...I enjoy touching a man & making him feel wonderful...the eyes say so much...I like to please a man...to surprise him when he figures out what I'm about to do to him...I even like to tease him...getting him to the point of no return & slowing down a bit...I love to see a guy squirm...knowing that he is longing to be with me...I have an unspoken power when it comes to men.

I like sunflower seeds...the roasted & salted kind...they've been my snack staple for some years now.

I could go on for days with this post...but I'll end it now.


**thanks to thisfish for the idea of this post**

Trying To Get Ready...

I've been asked by several people why I'm walking so many miles each day...to them I respond by saying...It's a health thing...though I'm truly trying to train or get ready for the...3 day breast cancer walk...in which people cover over 60 miles in the efforts to raise awareness for breast cancer research...I think anything to do with any type of cancer research is golden...the least I can do as a human & someone that has seen the damage cancer does to loved one...is raise money & take to the streets for some walking...so what if my body hurts with pain...so what if I can't seem to get control of my knees shaking...so what if I feel as though I'm about to fall out into the floor...by the next morning I'm better...it's all small in the comparison to actually having cancer eating away at your body...I want to do all that I can...no matter how much discomfort I feel as though I am in.

What Was I Thinking...

Oh my goodness...if I could only muster up the words for the pain I'm feeling about now...lets just say they wouldn't be pretty...lol...today was my second day of walking 6 miles...if I wake up tomorrow I'm going to attempt it again...that is if my body allows me to get out of the bed!

6 Miles In 26 Degree Weather...

It's Monday & I'm off of work...woo hoo...I always think it's a good idea to have every Monday off...lol.

The weekend was pretty cool...meaning cold...lol...we got some snow on Saturday...once again not enough to stick for that long...though it was really cold.

Yesterday I started walking to help enhance my diet plan...or actually I started so it would get me off my butt to exercise...lol...I walked 6 miles...yeah that's a lot...but I figured I was up to it & I love to walk...good thing I have an I-pod or I would have quit before the 4th mile...I plan on walking at least 4 miles everyday...more if I feel like it...walking can only help.

It's time for week two update...drum roll please...I gained a half of a pound...now is when balloons drop from the celling...lol...it's cool...I know there are ups & downs that come along with trying to loose weight...though I'm about to have a visit from Aunt Flow...which may or may not be the reason...I'm just glad I've stuck with my plan.

Daddy Downer...

last night while texting BMO...

ME: What's one goal that you have for 2008?
BMO: Find a way to be happy.
ME: Since that is a long term goal, do you have short term goals that will get you to that point?
BMO: Not really. I don't suppose I will ever get there again. Its like virginity, once its gone, its gone.
ME: That's only true if you let yourself believe it. You can find happiness if you truly want it. It may take awhile but you can find it again. You have to have a mind set that you are searching for it & willing to accept it when it comes along.

Nothing else was said on his end & I just let it go...though this is case in point why we don't work to good as a couple...I look for the best in every situation & if I can't find it...I'm looking for the next good thing to come along...granted I've never been divorced in which case he has...but then again...he doesn't have the self confidence that I do either...though in life when it knocks us down...we are suppose to get back up fighting...I'm not sure how much fight he has in him...and I sure as hell don't want to be with a man that thinks..."I can't make him happy"...the good thing is that...I know it has nothing to do with me & it's something that he is dealing with...I just hate when he gets to those low points & there is nothing I can do for him...anyhoo...maybe one day he'll get tired of being so unhappy.

Snow Day...

Yesterday was a wonderful & exciting day to me...the main reason behind it was that...it SNOWED...yeah...in GA...lol...came as a bit of a surprise to me...though I wasn't pondering the thought too much for me not to enjoy it...I wished it snowed more often...even though it snowed & sleeted for a couple of hours...by morning time it was gone...no trace of any white fluffy cold stuff...people have their different ways of enjoying snow...I witnessed a couple yesterday...

• pull the car over on the side of the road to sit on the truck


• stand with your mouth wide open & tongue hanging out


• leap into the air trying to grab as many as you can


• make snowmen & snow angles


• be pulled by a four wheeler on a trash can lid


• throw snowballs

all of the above are great in there own right...but then again...we don't get that much snow...so people are creative in ways of partaking in the enjoyment of it.

Under Construction...

If you've been visiting my page today...you've noticed that I've changed things somewhat...I'm just going thru my options & seeing what I like...what you may be seeing now may be the finished project...though I'm only guessing my blog is like my life...which may change at any time!

Picture This...

It was 11pm...I had pulled up to the gas pump...going through my purse which so needs to be cleaned out...looking for my debit card...when I hear a couple of taps on my window...I turn to see who in their right mind would be tapping on a woman's window at 11pm...to my surprise...it was a very interesting cute guy...by interesting I mean...he had eyes that I swear looked right into his soul...I did the customary smile & I know must have blinked a couple of times to adjust to his good looks...after a few seconds of being lost in his eyes...he starts making that motion of me to roll down my window...shame on me...I had been taking advantage of his good looks instead of paying attention to everything else...when I rolled my window down...guy with soul piercing eyes spoke...he said "Ma'am since it's 36 degrees and the wind is blowing I would like to pump your gas for you"...I know I had that deer caught in the headlights look...and again it took a few seconds for it to register what he said...but he was so good looking...I spoke up and said "Thanks Sir but I wouldn't want to take advantage of a cute guy on a freezing night"...what...what...did those words in that order come out of my mouth...he said "I wouldn't mind so much as to be taken advantage of by a beautiful young woman with fierce green eyes and a smile to warm any hot blooded guy!"...of course he had to throw in a smile...I'm a sucker for great smiles...since he was still standing there waiting for the go ahead...I handed him my card & he stuck it into the pump...handed it back to me and brushed my hand as he done so...when I looked up at him he had the biggest smirk on his face...I laughed a little while watching him reach for the nozzle...it seemed as if everything was in slow motion...after he was done pumping...lol...he squatted down and rested his arms on my window...asked if I wanted to go inside for a bite to eat & a conversation...it did cross my mind that I so could do that...but then I was snapped back to my senses...or was that the freezing air that about took my breath away...I thanked him for his time and pumping my gas...but explained it was late & I needed to be heading home...he stood up and said "Thanks for entertaining me for a few minutes and it was my pleasure to help you out"...I cranked my car and drove off...even this morning I'm wondering if I should have went inside with him...

Weekend Recap & Week One Results...

Wow what a weekend...even though it was a pretty good one...thank goodness it's over...

glad to be back at work & hoping I don't get puked on today...since last week seemed like a puke fest & all the cute little sick kids were waiting for me to walk thru the door...like it hit them that I was the perfect person to toss their lunch on...anyhoo...so far today...I'm puke free.

hung out with KF & the boy on Friday night...that's always cool...some interesting things happened...besides the conversation...like...I watched the boy two step with a little twist added in there...too cute...also the boy felt the need to do a little boob graze...it's cool...he was just doing the rub down on a hart that was on my scrub top...which happened to be covering a boob...anyhoo...helped KF set up a blog...can't wait to read the interesting stories to come.

went to TN yesterday to have a surprise visit with an old friend...it was a surprise on my part...I've not seen them in like 2 yrs...we had lunch...went for a long stroll along the river...took in the sites at an art gallery...not to mention the conversation that we had within the 7 hours that I was with them...it almost seemed like old times...just an older version of it...lol...my how have we grown...lol

had a pretty amazing conversation with BMO last night...everything was cool...felt very comfortable...though he wanted me to go see him after he got off of work...you know...to get some one on one action going...lol...but I thought that it would be too late by the time I got there & we both had work this morning...so I opted out of going...though I'll more than likely end up there tonight.

the diet is going great...today makes 7 days since I began...lets just say that I'm soooo focused on not putting anything in my mouth that I may regret...no caffeine has passed thru my lips over a week now...the first three days were a nightmare but that to soon passed...I'm drinking so much water...which is great since it's my favorite drink anyway...taking vitamins...the results from week one are in...I've lost 12 pounds...yes yes...I know this will not happen every week...though the first week is usually your biggest pounds lost...it's cool...I promise I'm fine & will no time soon blow away in a strong breeze.

Watch me go...

On a much happier note...this makes my 4th day of not consuming any caffeine...I've also been stead fast on my low carb diet again...even with the good cry today...I feel like a million bucks...I'm a very strong woman & can do whatever I put my mind to.

Note to Self...Goal # 2...

no matter how I may try to bottle my feelings up...or pretend things are not bothering me...it all comes out in the end...I've always had a problem with hiding the way I'm feeling so that people think I'm okay...or it was/is my way of being strong for other people...to tell the truth...I'm sick of trying to please everyone...I'm tired of thinking that if I live on a "stage" then things will be okie dokie...I'M SICK & TIRED...reasons being...

• sometimes my heart feels as though it is going to explode
• tears feel as though they are about to fall from my eyes
• I've lived on the "stage" for 29 yrs
• it's okay if people know I'm sad or that I need a helping hand

I know I've brought this whole thing on myself...but that's been how I was raised to deal with things...that I had to take care of myself & no one really took the time to push me into sharing my feelings...I'm not blaming anyone but myself...that's for sure...though it seems as though things have come to a head...or a boiling point...actually I just think that my heart is breaking into a million pieces right now & I can't help but deal with it.

one things for sure...I plan on making a habit of dealing with my feelings at the time something is bothering me...being more outspoken about how I feel...if something or someone is hurting me...I plan to express it...if something or someone is making me happy...I plan to express it...

it started today...after about a thirty minute cry...I mean a hard one...I've decided to make a fresh start from here on out...it's okay for me to be myself even if something is bothering me...I've got to deal with it & move on...instead of bottling it up & it all come crashing down around me sometime in the future...usually when I least expect it...like today.

I can do this...I am ready for a change when it comes to this part of my life...I'm as strong as I make myself!

Things I'm a Sucker for...

• A Great Smile
• Text Messages
• Eye to Eye Contact
• Cold Sheets
• Kissing
• Making People Laugh
• Lemon Grilled Shrimp
• Red Toenails
• Being Teased
• A Good Book
• Long Hot Bubble Baths
• Pretty/Sexy Bra & Panties
• Chivalry
• Men With Nice Hands
• Having Things to Look Forward To
• Funny People
• Dirty Jokes
• Firemen & Cops
• Compliments
• Pillow Talk
• Sleeping
• Men Who Open Doors
• Reality TV
• Properly Told Stories
• Friends You Can Call Whore
• Make Out Sessions

Striving for Long Term...

I want to loose more weight...that's going to be my number one goal for 2008...yes I said "goal" instead of resolution...we all know how I feel about them...I already have a huge step behind me...from September 06 to September 07 I was able to loose a big number of pounds...but was only able to keep about 62 pounds off...don't get me wrong...I'm very proud of keeping that many off...but I've got a long ways to go before I'll be where I want to be...Sooo...starting today...the 7th day of the new year...I'm back on my diet & exercise plan...I know what worked for me to drop the 62 pounds & now I've tweaked that somewhat to better work for me...here's a list (you know I love a list) of my long term & short term goals...

1. Long term...loose 80 pounds by November 1st...which averages out to be 2 pounds per week...Can Be Done!
2. Short term...stop eating out all together
3. Short term...walk at least 4 days a week
4. Short term...learn & cook healthy meals

I'm leaving out specifics which would be detrimental to my long term goal...I work better by setting the goals & working toward them...instead of giving myself an outline that could become over whelming...what I've set for myself can be maintained.

Goodbye 2007...Hello 2008

Another year has come & gone...I must say its been an interesting year...to say the least...there's been up & downs...even a few steps sideways...all in all...2007 was a decent year...

• Met BMO...a good thing...he's helped me understand more about myself & others...broke down walls that had been needing to fall...given me simple pleasures along with great ones.
• Met KF...whom is my best friend...words can't really describe her...she's special in more ways than I can count...the endless talks & laughs have been just what I've needed...the boy is always an added adventure...bless her heart!
• LJ become LM...which was a shock to me...but then again...her being with child at such an early age was also a shock...DM seems to be great for her...I just hope things continue to be great & they grow old with their family...I love them all.
• Lost more weight...which is an on going battle...I'm strong enough to win the fight.
• I turned 29...only one year away from my all time dream age...people who know me understand that...woo hoo...can't wait.
• Found out an Aunt has blood cancer...she's been my rock since I was a little girl...just the thought of her going thru this crushes my heart.
• BW passed away...she truly will be missed.

Since it's now 2008...a new month along with a new year...things seem fresh again...like you are allowed a new start...though some things from last year are still weighing on my mind...I can't wait to see what this year has in store for me...one things for sure...I've not made any resolutions but there are things that I want to stay the same about me...like...

• I'm outgoing to a fault
• I love to laugh & make those around me happy
• I'm honest & very outspoken
• I look for new adventures

I can't wait to see what this year has in store for me!